


They Got Pretty Blue Eyes

by MrsMess



Series: Bluegirls Come In Every Size [3]
Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Choices, Conflict, Conversations, Dialogue, Epiphanies, F/M, Family, Friendship, Kissing, Literati (Gilmore Girls), Love, Moving In Together, POV Alternating, POV Female Character, Parent-Child Relationship, Post-Canon, Post-Series, Second Chances, Step-parents, flangst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 14:49:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8921299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsMess/pseuds/MrsMess
Summary: [He] eases the sleeping baby into the crib in the corner. He gets under the covers with Rory. She’s sleeping deeply, all done. He nestles in close anyway and tries to get to sleep. It turns out to be impossible. Too many thoughts spinning about the upcoming day. [...]”Come on, I can help.”She imagines it for a fraction of a second. A place, no financial concerns. Then she imagines Jess out of her life, because there are no terms she could negotiate that would make him stay under those circumstances.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is the epilogue to Bluegirls Come In Every Size and Some Are Wise And Some Otherwise so it's better, however not necessary, to have read them first. Post-revival.  
> Thank you all for the fantastic support and response. Without it I wouldn’t have had the guts to write and post the latter parts.  
> Musical inspiration for this series is Ripples by Genesis. The titles are all from there.  
> It's un-beta:d, I own all mistakes.

Epilogue

 

[JESS]

His eyes flutter open. He must have dosed off. He draws a sharp breath trying to get his bearings. It’s close to dawn, he can tell from the grayish streaks in the night sky visible through the window. He’s semi-horizontal on Lorelai’s couch, and Richard is sleeping on his chest. Rory’s son is two months and twenty three days and suffering from colic, which keeps him up crying late most nights and has earned him the prefix "Little". The last few nights have been particularly punishing, hence the quasi-coma on the couch. Jess strokes the downy head and holds it firmly to support it while getting up. He makes his way to their room and eases the sleeping baby into the crib in the corner. He gets under the covers with Rory. She’s sleeping deeply, all done. He nestles in close anyway and tries to get to sleep.

It turns out to be impossible. Too many thoughts spinning about the upcoming day. He’s rented an apartment from the dreaded Taylor Doose for him and Rory. They’re moving the first things today.

”What, are you gonna live with Luke and Lorelai forever?” He asked. ”Think about it. I know you feel bad about them losing sleep ’cause of Richard, and if we moved the only people we would annoy would be Taylor’s tenants, and that would bug Taylor!”

Rory lit up. ”Good point. And we could have loud obnoxious sex and play rock and roll music!”

”It’s win-win. And if you want it could just be temporary, ’til we know what’s what with the book, or ’til Richard’s older.”

This had sealed the deal and made Luke chuckle when told about it later.

”You better watch out for those temporary solutions”, he said ”or before you know it you’ll have spent ten years in rooms with the wrong wallpaper, putting your money in the pockets of the likes of Taylor.”

Jess told him to back off of course but knows he has several points. And Taylor’s already pissing him off, starting a month ago with some bullshit about the town-approved color-scale for blinders and last week grumbling about Jess and Rory living in sin under 'his' roof, and how that subsequently reflected the state of the entire town. Luckily Rory stepped in with stern face, subduing Taylor and pulling Jess away before he had the chance to give the Town Selectman a piece of his dark mind.

Then Logan called. He’s been traveling all summer and this is the first chance he’s had to come visit in the flesh, although Rory’s had a few Skype-sessions to introduce him to Richard. He’s coming over today. Jess knows that it’s just been a matter of time of course, but he still not ready for it. He has no idea how he’s going to react to seeing Logan and he’s worried.

After an hour of tossing and turning he gives up and gets up. Luke’s already in the kitchen and grunts a greeting when Jess joins him. Jess puts on another pot of coffee and sits down at the table with his face in his hands.

”When he’s asleep you should be too.” Luke says.

”Yeah, I would if I could.” Jess scowls tiredly at his uncle. Luke nods slowly and sets a bowl of oatmeal in front of him. Jess pushes it away.

”If you insist on staying up with Little Richard, not sleep on his clock, and move boxes you’re gonna need to ingest something other than coffee.”

Jess sighs, pulls back the bowl and has a spoonful, exaggerating the motion.

”Good.” Luke tosses him his car key. ”Use the truck, and Jess...” He hesitates. ”Take it easy today. You’re fine.”

Jess returns the look, then nods curtly in response.

Lorelai enters the kitchen in her pj’s and robe as Luke readies to leave. She walks up to him and leans into a hug. He kisses her and exits through the back door. She pours herself a cup of coffee and sits down at the table barely managing a simper at Jess. He raises his eyebrows as a greeting. He knows she’s not a big talker this early if she can help it, especially not around him. It’s a trait they share and he doesn’t mind the quiet. It’s usually short-lived. She squints at his oatmeal.

”Luke.” He explains.

Rory appears, in an outfit comically similar to Lorelai’s, still looking exhausted. She shuffles up to Jess and kisses his head.

”Thank you for taking him.” She says.

”Shut up.” He says softly but somewhat bitterly. She means well, but every ’thanks’ reminds him that she knows he doesn’t have to be here, like the things he does are optional. They’re not. Ever since that night and morning in may and possibly earlier than that, he is irrevocably bound to her and all that she is. He tried to explain it to her weeks ago unsuccessfully.

”You’re not Jimmy, or Liz for that matter.” She said. ”You don’t have to compensate for any of their limitations.”

”Don’t do that! Try to analyze me like I’m some case study in psych 101. I’m not compensating for anything!” Possibly a lie. ”I’m not doing you some favor. I love you!” Not a lie.

That shut her up alright, got him laid too, but resulted in no apparent changes in her behavior surrounding his position in her and Richard’s life.

Rory frowns at his oatmeal.

"Luke." Lorelai explains.

"Do we have anything edible?" Rory whines.

"Depends on who you´re asking." Jess tries.

"By our standards, there's all sorts of things." Lorelai interrupts sprightly.

"What other standards are there?" Rory smiles.

"The kind you need to maintain for the strength to feed another human being from you body." He interjects sternly. "There's some granola Luke prepared for you in the cupboard, and use the greek yoghurt."

She glares at him.

"I can't believe it either." He mutters.

"Fine." She concedes. "And to show you what a big person I am, I'm gonna do you a favor." She grabs his bowl of porridge and empties it in the trash. He sighs.

"Trash needs to be taken out." She remarks. "If you hurry back I could fix you your very own portion of granola."

"Don't hold your breath." He retorts while grabbing the trash bags.

"But how can we breathe without you, dear valiant trash knight!" Lorelai suddenly howls, caffeine kicking in.

"Isn't there a song about that?" Rory asks as she actually fetches the granola.

"A valiant trash knight?"

"No, the breathing part."

"I'm sure, but I don't think trash was involved. If anything I'd think it might be prudent to breathe while out of the near vicinity of the trash."

"No, I remember it now!" Rory says and starts singing an old Leann Rimes song off key.

Jess shakes his head and bites back his chuckle. If he lets them know he enjoys it, they will keep at it until he goes nuts.

He’s still sort of in the conversation when he treads onto the porch and comes face to face with Logan, who smiles at him. Jess stops abruptly and feels his chest tighten. Nope. Definitely nowhere near ready. Logan doesn’t recognise him, or pretends not to, and reaches out his right hand.

”Hi there. Logan Huntzberger. I’m looking for-”

”She’s inside.” Jess replies tensely. ”You’ll let yourself in.” He lifts both his hands to illustrate how full they are, which thankfully gets him out of shaking Logan’s.

”Thank you” Logan smiles again and saunters in the front door.

Jess walks to the garbage cans and drops the bags. He remains standing there for a few moments, trying to collect himself. He heads back towards the house and passes by Rory’s window. Unable to resist he looks through it. Rory’s just entered the room with Logan and is showing him the crib holding Richard. They’re both smiling and Rory reaches into the crib to lift the baby up. He’s just waking up and Rory rocks him in her arms before carefully handing him over to Logan, who looks completely captivated. The sight breaks Jess’ heart. He can’t put it into any other comprehensible terms. He knows it’s unfair, unreasonable to feel it, but is too exhausted to fight back. He is struggling to take some form of action, make some sort of decision, when Lorelai’s voice breaks through his delirium.

”Jess.”

He reluctantly turns to face her. ”Lorelai.”

She’s in jeans and t-shirt now with her coat over her shoulders and a scarf hastily tossed around her neck, probably since she’s hurried to get out of Rory’s and Logan’s way. She walks up to him.

”How you doin’?” She asks, smiling at him like he's a guest at the Inn.

He’s never been good at showing any feelings other than hostility, at his worst, and evasive politeness, at his best, to her. And this moment is no different.

”I’m okay, Lorelai. You?”

”I’m fine. Listen, Jess, I think we should talk.”

”Yeah?” He’s distracted by the proximity to the window and keeps trying to turn his head to look.

”Yeah,” she says. ”Listen, I think I owe you an apology.”

He’s genuinely shocked, and he stares at her intently all of a sudden. ”What for?”

”For always, I guess.” She starts. ”Look if there’s anything I’ve learned through the years, it’s that people don’t really change, not at their core.”

It doesn’t sound good. Is he still the car crashing, smart-mouthed, run-away teenager to Lorelai?

”And the way you’ve come through for us the last months has convinced me that according to my own rules, I must have been wrong about you back then.”

He looks at her incredulously, without being able to produce a response.

”You left.” She says. ”But I did too when I was a kid. And I’m still the one of Rory’s parents who’ve been consistent in her life. You came back. And I know this isn’t even the first time you’ve swooped in-”

This is too much. He’s overwhelmed by the past night and morning. Exhausted, distraught, and now happy and embarrassed over Lorelai’s recognition. All at the same time, he feels dizzy and interrupts her.

”Lorelai, you really don’t have to-”

”I know. That’s another consistent thing about you; your stiff upper lip. Don’t think I don’t see you keeping it together for Rory and Little Richard.”

He readies to tell her to cork it, in so many words, but she steps closer to him and pats him on the cheek. He’s stunned. She’s practically never touched him before.

”What I’m trying to say is, thank you for what you’re doing for my daughter.” She shoots him a tight smile and winks at him. ”That is all.” She strolls toward the road.

Irritation creeps back. Another round of ”Thank-you-for-your-services”. And the pat on the cheek! Does he instill any kind of respect any more, or ever? He looks to the window. Rory’s room is empty. Neither she, Logan nor Richard can be seen. Jess feels scattered, like he’s searching for a lost train of thought, and finally understands what Lorelai’s been doing. He turns and calls to her as she’s walking away. ”Thank you.”

She turns and smiles, warmly this time. ”You’re welcome.” She walks on and he heads in the direction of the garage instead of the house, planning to load a few of Rory’s book-boxes into Luke’s truck, for the first drive to the apartment.

 

[RORY]

Rory watches Logan look in wonder at his son, who’s wrapped in his arms, warm inside.

”He’s perfect, Ace.”

”The last few nights beg to differ.” She laughs. ”But, yeah, he’s fairly wonderful.”

”You have to let me be part of this.”

Something inside stirs. Anguish and the strange pull Logan’s always had on her. She’s so tired. ”You are part of this. You’re his dad. You’re welcome whenever, and when he gets older he can even stay with you for periods, if you both want to.”

”I don’t just mean like that. I could get a place for the two of you. Wherever. Come there as often as possible, we could be like a family.”

She looks at him perplexed. She’s not really surprised at his words but out of practice in responding to the likes of them. ”You’re married, right?”

His expression responds before he does, he opens his mouth but she stops him. ”It doesn’t even matter.”

She smiles and gives it another more constructive go. ”Look, if you want to buy Richard an apartment or something when he’s old enough I welcome that, but there’s nothing you can do for me.”

”Come on, I can help.”

She imagines it for a fraction of a second. A place, no financial concerns. Then she imagines Jess out of her life, because there are no terms she could negotiate that would make him stay under those circumstances. That she knows. The sudden pain makes her speak.

”I already have help,” she starts, but trails off as she finally gets it. Not help, he’s not just helping, he’s being part of the package, that’s why he’s pissed off when she thanks him. The last months flash before her eyes. Jess lingering, reluctant to leave her, helping her edit her manuscript, working out practicalities with Luke, on the phone with the publishing house, moving here, at Richards birth, running to the drugstore for the umpteenth time, reading up online, asleep with Richard on his chest, taking every other night watch, taking out the trash. There is no thanking him, that’s the point. Her heart races and she wonders where he is during all of this.

”Shoot.” She says out loud and exits the room on instinct walking into the living room. Logan follows her with Richard and looks at her intrigued. She stops, and turns back to face him.

”Sorry, I'm an idiot.”

”I wouldn’t go that far,” he smiles. ”Just let me do this for you.”

She returns the smile and remembers why she’s loved him for so long. ”Thank you Logan, for the offer, and it’s very generous of you to not think of me as an idiot, considering how stupid I’ve been.” She takes a breath and struggles to look serious. ”But not about this though. I’m right about this. Be a father to your son as much as you can be, but I'm fine. I have the package.”

Logans smile drops. ”You live with you mother, Ace.”

It stings, but she remains calm. ”Not for long. I’m moving in with Jess, our own place." She exaggerates. "Kind of.”

”The garbage man?” Logan looks amused.

She hasn't been angry in a long time so she's taken aback when it hits her. She knows there’s no use in fighting him. In her state of fatigue she’d get too upset and probably drag in things that doesn’t even have anything to do with him.

”Logan,” she starts. I have to make better choices from now on. I’m going to try to make it right, this way. You and me... It’s always been a slippery slope. And I’ve really loved how you’ve made anything seem possible, but for us, it’s never become more than a constant... possibility." As she speaks the words she feels them making sense. "And now I’m in this position where I really need to make just one thing more than possible. I need to make it real. I am sorry. I did this all wrong, for so long. But now when we were talking I realized it already is real. This one thing." She smiles to herself, submerged in the verbalizing of her feelings. "And that means that I’ve already made at least one good decision and that I can do this. I don’t have to keep slipping.” She turns her eyes back on Logan. ”And he’s not a garbage man,” she adds firmly after a few beats. ”You’ve met once. He's a writer, and publisher of appropriately lengthy novels, and my high school sweetheart... and current sweetheart, and not that there would be anything wrong with being a garbage man, it’s honest work.”

Now she processes Logan's expression. He’s not happy.

”And it’s all your decision I guess.” He starts dully ”You have our son but won't let me in the family. It’s so messed up. This isn’t what I wanted. And it’s how I’ll be forced to live my life now, ’cause of your choices.”

She swallows hard trying to rid herself of the guilt bubbling up inside ”I know I screwed up. And if I'd really thought about this earlier I would have done it all differently. I wouldn't have-" She stops herself from making it worse, takes an unsteady breath and tries again. "A child means an opportunity to be a parent and nothing more. You can’t offer to make us your secondary family in one breath and then scorn me on the basis that I'm being unconventional when I reject it.

He looks defeated, turns his gaze on Richard, then back at her with shiny eyes. "I wanted this with you."

"I know."

"But that's it, right? You don't want this with me."

It's more complicated than that. It always has been, but she can't tell him that. It's a slippery slope.

"No."

”Fine,” he says caustically and hands Richard back to her. ”I’ll call you when I’m next in the neighborhood. Might be a while though.”

It hurts to see him angry, it’s so rare, he’s utterly unable to handle it well.

”Okay. Just... don’t stay away because you’re angry with me. I’m not forcing you to come around, but I know from experience that Richard will want you in his life. And if you pass up that opportunity for long enough that feeling might go away for him.”

The look he shoots her is so bitter it cuts into her. He turns and walks out the front door. She follows him.

”Logan!”

But he exits the house and almost runs into Jess who's just taking the last steps up on the porch. They both stop. Logan looks Jess over and then back at her. She returns the look steadily. He turns and walks past Jess, brushing shoulders with him. Jess smiles coldly, jaws tight but keeps his eyes on the floor and makes his way to Rory.

”What’s up with him?” He asks, while gently lifting Richard from her arms.

She wipes away a stray tear and clears her throat. ”He’ll get over it.”

The way Jess looks at her lets her know she won't get off that easy.

”I told him to do the daddy-thing, but that I'm all set with the family-thing."

Jess' expression softens from obvious relief. He looks at Richard. ”I’m sorry.”

”Don’t be. He doesn’t hold grudges. It’s one of his best traits.”

As Logan’s car pulls out of the driveway she knows she’s right about him. She feels slightly better and smiles to herself. Jess is quiet and she remembers her insight from earlier.

”Jess?” She turns to him. ”You do make me happy, you know. But it’s a different kind of happiness than what I’m used to. It’s less about getting what I want and more about me feeling good about myself for the right reasons.”

He looks startled.

”And I’ve been pretty dumb regarding your place in all of this." He opens his mouth as if to say something but she continues. "Here's the thing; you’re this person I love, showing up and staying, in arguably my darkest hour. And it feels like this gift that I should be grateful for. But that’s not what you’re trying to be, is it? You’re going for something with fewer strings attached, right?”

His gaze is earnest and familiar. ”I don’t have a choice.”

”Well, I don’t think that type of reliance comes naturally to either of us. But I understand it now. And I’m going to try to act like it.”

He smiles tentatively. ”You love me?”

She smiles back.

”Silly boy.” She says, humorously, stroking his cheek. Guilt pinches her chest. For neglecting to tell him. For assuming that because he’s done the things he has quietly, unyielding, he didn’t need it. She drops the smile and locks eyes with him. ”I love you.”

He takes a visible breath, eyes darting between hers, nodding slightly. ”Okay.”

He leans in and kisses her, longer than usual, eyes closed. Steps closer and puts his forehead to hers. Richard whimpers between them and he pulls back.

”I packed up the boxes from the garage. We can go whenever you’re ready.”

”Great. I’ll go change and we’ll be off.”

”Yeah?”

”Yes.” She says.


End file.
